In the movie bearing his name, Happy Gilmore, an amazingly violent youngster with pipe dreams (copyright me; the phrase here is used in the same context as a basketball player would use "hoop dreams"), brags that he once took off his skate during a hockey game and tried to stab someone with it, adding he's the only player to ever do it. After watching some of the Ottawa/Buffalo Royal Rumble, I have made some observations.
1) None of the players attempted to use their skates as weapons, which makes me sad.
2) Andrew Peters is a fucking pussy. He pussies out of fighting whoever he was fighting originally to rumble with Ray Emery, who's already been through one fight, and still can't put him down. I'm filing this under "F" for "Faggotry".
3) Ray Emery could be the hardest man in the league. He beats the fuck out of Martin "Am I Supposed To Win" Biron, then fights Andrew Peters - WITH A FUCKING SMILE ON HIS FACE. He is batshit insane, and will now be known as Ray "Kid Dynamite" Emery until such time someone surpasses him.
4) I really, really wanted to see one of the coaches throw a punch at the other.
5) Chris Drury is going to seriously tear shit up when he comes back, until he faces Ottawa again, when he will have a Vietnam flashback and go into the foetal position on the ice.
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